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  He grabbed it, and we shook.

  “We’ll make a football fan out of you yet,” he said.

  “And I’ll be seeing you Sunday afternoon for our first dance rehearsal.”

  At that moment, the crowd went wild with cheers and whoops and hollers. Realistically, it was probably because my brother had done some awesome amazing play on the field again, but in my mind, I told myself it was because I was back in the game again. If Logan could pull off what Mary Rose thought he could, maybe I would still have a chance at getting into TSOTA, and nothing could ruin how excited I felt about that possibility.

  Not even football.

  Chapter 20

  As Mom drove me to the studio for my first practice with Logan, my stomach twisted and turned. What if Logan hated ballet? What if he wasn’t any good? What if he decided that he didn’t want to dance with me? My future was on the line, and if you wanted to get real, it depended on him.

  Logan was already at the studio when I got there.

  “You showed up,” I said, somewhat surprised. I’m not going to lie and say I hadn’t worried that he’d changed his mind pretty much every single moment after we talked. But here he was even before I arrived, ready to practice with me.

  “I told you I would, didn’t I?”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t actually believe it. I haven’t had the best luck these days.”

  “Relax, I’m here. I can’t promise you that I’m going to be any good, but I’ll try.”

  “Thanks,” I told him and wished there was a way to truly show him how thankful I was. If we could pull this off, then I might stand a chance of getting noticed by TSOTA scouts, and there would be nothing better than that.

  He gestured toward the entrance. “I guess we should go inside, right? I’m pretty sure I’m going to need a lot of practice.”

  “You have nothing to worry about,” I told him, but wondered if that was true.

  The two of us went through the door and he headed toward the boys’ dressing room. He held up the bag in his hand. “I got some special ballet clothes. I’ll be right back.”

  The idea that he’d gotten clothes for our rehearsal made me hopeful, although the funny thing was that I’d worn leggings and a T-shirt to rehearse today because I didn’t want Logan to feel out of place if I had my usual leotard on. I changed and headed into the studio, where I found Mary Rose already there.

  “I’m so glad you’re giving this a chance,” she said. “We’re going to make this happen, okay?”

  “You think?” I asked.

  “I know.” She winked at me. “You’ve got this. You’ll be heading to TSOTA next year.”

  “I hope so,” I said. Her words gave me a little extra push of confidence that maybe we could pull this off.

  “Well, I’m here to dance, but I’m not quite sure my clothes are,” a voice said behind us.

  We turned to see Logan in pants that looked as if they were ready for a flood. The bottoms were more like capris and the top of them dug into his stomach.

  “Where exactly did you get your outfit from? Your little brother?” I asked and fought back a laugh. He looked ridiculous.

  “I watched some videos online and saw all the male dancers in tight pants. I had no idea where to get some like that, so I figured I’d buy a pair of sweatpants two sizes smaller and they’d fit the same.”

  “They’re definitely tighter,” I said. “And shorter.”

  “I’m kind of afraid that if I bend over, I’ll split the back of them,” he confessed.

  “Yep, let’s not do any bending,” I agreed. Logan meant well, but he looked so ridiculous in those short pants. A tiny giggle escaped and then another and soon the two of us were laughing so hard that I had tears coming out of my eyes.

  “You don’t have to wear those,” Mary Rose told him. “Dance in whatever you’re the most comfortable in. That’s when you do your best.”

  “You mean I can wear my football uniform and helmet?” Logan asked, making me laugh all over again. Maybe Mia was right. Maybe Logan wasn’t so bad after all.

  “The helmet might not be the best idea,” Mary Rose said. “But wear what you’ve been wearing to the conditioning classes. That’s fine for now.”

  “She’s right,” I told him. “Change into the clothes you had on when you got here.”

  Logan looked relieved and went to switch outfits.

  Mary Rose nodded at him when he came back out. “Much better. I’m sure you’ll find it’s easier to dance in that.”

  “Anything is easier than those other pants. I would’ve lived in fear of them splitting down the middle the entire time,” he said.

  “A wise decision,” Mary Rose agreed. “Okay, you already know how to do some of the basic positions because of the conditioning class, so today I want to work on how to make them look good. Once you’re able to do that, we’ll put different ones together in a way that’s not too hard for you but enough to make it look like you’re dancing as you support Brooklyn and make her look amazing at the Showcase.”

  “If you think you can do it, I’m game.”

  “It’s all about your extensions, stretching your limbs out as much as you can while making it look seamless,” she said.

  “Huh?” Logan asked, and I couldn’t help but speak up. He looked clueless.

  “She means reaching your legs and arms out as far as you can when dancing. Like when you’re reaching out to catch the football.” I couldn’t believe that I was using a football simile, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, right?

  “Oh, like this?” Logan said and stretched his hands up in the air, but he looked more like he was reaching for something on the shelf than doing a ballet move.

  “Yeah, kind of.” I turned to Mary Rose for help.

  She stepped in front of us. “How about we go through the foot positions first?”

  She walked Logan through first, second, third, fourth, and fifth positions. He did okay with each of them, until she added his arms, too. Then Logan became a tangle of limbs, everything going different ways. We had him follow us multiple times, but he continued to mess up.

  Mary Rose patiently worked with Logan, but he didn’t get any better. In fact, it seemed like he got more and more clumsy as he rehearsed.

  I stepped away from the two of them and watched. The way Logan continued to mess up made me think about a girl named Becca at my old studio in Oregon. She was an amazing dancer, but also one of the snobbiest people I knew. She’d watch the rest of the girls dance in our class and wrinkle her nose and make comments about how bad they were. I wondered if she talked about me when I wasn’t around. She used to say that you couldn’t make a person a dancer; you were either born with talent or not. I always thought that was such a mean thing to say, but I was beginning to wonder if it was true with Logan.

  Logan finally reached his breaking point after trying multiple times to do a turn Mary Rose was showing him.

  “This is impossble!” Logan said and threw his hands up in the air out of frustration. “It’s like rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time.”

  “You’re doing great; this stuff is hard to get the hang of,” Mary Rose said, but it really wasn’t. It was a basic combination she used with the younger kids. Maybe Logan wasn’t as good as Mary Rose thought. Maybe he really couldn’t do this stuff. I didn’t even want to think about trying to do the lifts. If Logan couldn’t get these steps down, what would happen when he had to pick me up?

  I pictured myself crashing to the ground, just like all my hopes and dreams of getting into TSOTA.

  Chapter 21

  Mary Rose sent Logan off with a bunch of encouraging words, but I wasn’t sure anything would help him. And it made me question all the times that she told me I was doing well too. Was she telling the truth? Because I honestly couldn’t believe that Logan would figure this out, and she sure made him think he would.

  Usually, after rehearsing with Jayden, I’d put my legs up agains
t the wall to let them drain as a way to cool down. However, today I didn’t need to because I hadn’t done much dancing. Instead, I pulled on a baggy hooded sweatshirt and grabbed my stuff and went out to wait for Tanner, who was my ride home today.

  He pulled up in his practice jersey and had one of those thick, disgusting-looking protein shakes. He was always drinking those things and then leaving the water bottles and glasses lying around, the powder clinging to the sides and creating a nasty film on the glasses.

  “How was class today?” Tanner asked and took a giant gulp of his drink and then let out a burp.

  “You are so gross,” I told him.

  “I learned it from you,” he said, and I seriously felt as if I were arguing with a little kid. He nudged me in the shoulder. “So how was class?”

  “Good,” I said and tried not to think about how not-good Logan had been. “What about you?”

  “Great. Coach ran us through a bunch of drills for the game this weekend, and I think we’re in good shape.”

  “You’ll be fine. You guys always win,” I said, not to be nice, but because it was the truth. “Jayden told me that Malik was talking to some recruiters too. I’m pretty sure with guys like the two of you on the team, you’re the school to beat.”

  “I hope so. Speaking of Jayden, he was at practice the other day with his mom. You didn’t mention that he broke his leg. Isn’t he your partner for that dance thing you have?”

  “The All-City Showcase,” I said, surprised he knew anything about it. “And he was my dance partner,” I said. “He’s not anymore.”

  To his credit, Tanner looked like he felt bad for me. “Yeah, his leg looked pretty messed up. What are you going to do now?”

  If Tanner would have asked me this yesterday, I would’ve been excited to tell him about Logan and how Mary Rose thought he’d be the perfect solution and how this all still might work despite what happened to Jayden. But that was yesterday. Before I had my first rehearsal with Logan. Now I didn’t know what to say, because I honestly had no idea if this would work out after having seen Logan dance.

  “One of the guys on the team is helping me,” I finally said.

  “What team?” Tanner asked, confused, and I didn’t blame him. It wasn’t like football and ballet went hand in hand.

  “The middle school team. Logan Brewer. My dance teacher thought he’d be able to pull the moves off, and it also gives Logan some extra practice, so he agreed to it. He mentioned wanting the extra practice to help get Coach Trentanelli’s attention when he picks eighth graders to work with in the off-season.” I left out the part about our deal about him turning me into a football fan. I figured that was info Tanner didn’t need to know, especially when there was no way in the world it would happen.

  “I get wanting to be picked to train with the team—that’s huge—but do you think his dancing with you is a good idea?” Tanner asked.

  “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “He should be focused on football. That’s where he’s going to learn the skills and drills that he needs to be a good player. Football should always be his first priority. After all, the middle school team is the future of the high school team.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I asked. “There’s a lot he can learn with ballet to become a better player. And what about my future? This Showcase is huge to me. There are going to be talent scouts from all over.”

  “I just wonder if this is good for Logan. Next year he’s going to be moving to the high school, and it’s a whole different game playing for Leighton High.”

  Tanner was unbelievable. He continued to argue against Logan helping me with the Showcase. Forget about my surprise over Tanner paying attention to anything important to me. I take that back. I take all of it back. It was better when he was clueless.

  Chapter 22

  Breakfast during the week was the complete opposite of our weekend family breakfasts. Once Monday hit, it was everyone for themselves. I’d wolf down a bowl of cereal while I listened for the bus to rumble past outside, Tanner would make his disgusting protein shake, while Mom and Stephen usually guzzled down mugs full of coffee and grabbed bagels to be eaten on the run. This had been our routine for the last few months, which is why I was confused when I walked downstairs Monday morning to find everyone around the kitchen table.

  Well, everyone but me.

  “Did I miss the breakfast meeting invitation?” I asked.

  “Sorry, honey. Something came up this morning as we were getting ready for work,” Mom said.

  “Please don’t tell me that Tanner got another scholarship,” I said in a voice that made it seem as if I were joking, but secretly I prayed that wasn’t what was going on.

  “Kind of the opposite,” Tanner said.

  “That’s enough,” Stephen shot back.

  “So what are we talking about?” I asked as I helped myself to a glass of orange juice from the carton sitting on the table. When no one answered, I felt as if I’d crashed a party where I wasn’t wanted.

  “More like what are we arguing about,” Tanner said, which earned him another look from Stephen. Tanner turned toward me. “I was telling them about how I’m unsure of whether I’m going to take the athletic scholarship now at UT.”

  “You don’t want to go there?” I asked.

  “No, I want to go there. I found out I was also accepted early admission to their premed program. I’m not sure I want to play football.”

  “Not play football?” I asked. Tanner was all about football; there was no way he wouldn’t want to play. It was like me and ballet. I’d never give that up.

  He ran his hand through his hair so it was all messy. “The premed program is intense. I don’t know if I’ll have time to keep up with studying if I’m on the team.”

  “Football is your life,” I said.

  “I love football, but I don’t plan to play it forever. It’s not like I’m heading to the NFL after college.”

  “So you’re going to give up a scholarship?” I asked. Inside I was boiling. He better be joking, because I’d had to leave my friends and dance studio and life so he could keep playing football. There was no way I was okay with him simply walking away from it. “That’s nuts,” I said instead.

  “Exactly,” Mom chimed in. “You’d be crazy to throw away a full ride to college.”

  “He’s not going to throw anything away,” Stephen said. “Tanner will play football at UT.”

  “Um, I think that’s my choice,” Tanner shot back.

  “Not when you’re living under my roof,” Stephen said.

  For once, I agreed with Mom and Stephen. This was ridiculous. We’d all given up so much so Tanner could play. How could he be so unfair and selfish?

  I was about to tell Tanner how mad I was when I saw a flash of yellow out the front window.

  “Great!” I yelled and threw my hands up in the air. “I missed the bus because I was stuck in the middle of all your arguing. Now I’m going to be late for school.”

  “I’ll take you,” Tanner said. “I already missed lifting this morning, so it’s no big deal.”

  “That’s okay,” I said, not wanting anything to do with that traitor. “I’ll get a ride with Mom or Stephen.”

  “Your school is in the opposite direction for both of us,” Mom said. “It’ll be easier if Tanner takes you.”

  “Yep, no problem,” Tanner said. “Let me go grab my stuff and we’ll meet back down here in ten minutes.”

  “Thank you,” Stephen said. “But this doesn’t mean we’re done discussing your scholarship.”

  Tanner didn’t bother to respond. Instead, he got up from the table and headed upstairs.

  “Really? Can’t you see what he’s doing?” I asked. “All he wants is an excuse to get out of our conversation.”

  I scowled in Tanner’s direction. Great. Just great. Because Tanner may have gotten out of the conversation, but now I was the one who was going to be stuck—in the passenger seat of his truck.


  Chapter 23

  Can you believe the two of them?” Tanner asked me as we pulled out of the driveway. He took his fist and banged it into the steering wheel. He hit it so hard the horn went off. “They’re being totally unfair!”

  What’s unfair? The fact that I’m stuck listening to your whine? I thought to myself. I listened as he went on and on about how Stephen and Mom weren’t taking into consideration anything that was important to him. I didn’t respond, but believe me, I was seething inside.

  I thought about Mom and the researcher job she loved back home. She had cried on the last day of work and still mentioned from time to time how much fun the staff was at her office.

  I thought about all of my friends and how they’d thrown a big good-bye party for me at the studio when I left. I still missed them like crazy: the ice cream runs we’d go on in between classes, the giant sleepovers we’d have after recitals, and the days where we spent hours in the studio dancing, simply because that’s what we loved to do.

  I thought about our little two-bedroom house that I grew up in. It was tiny, but Mom filled it with pictures of us, blankets Grandma had knitted, and tulips that came up each spring. It was my home.

  I thought about all of these things and got more and more mad as I listened to Tanner. My anger bubbled up like a can of soda when you shake it. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and exploded.

  “Maybe you’re the one being unfair!”

  Tanner paused and actually shut his mouth for a moment.

  “What are you talking about?” he asked and seemed genuinely confused.

  “You’re complaining about how your dad and my mom are reacting to your news, but have you thought about why? Have you even given any thought to what everyone else has done for you? What we have given up? Mom and I moved here for you. For you! We gave up our entire lives because of your football. That was more important than anything else in the world. Excuse me for not agreeing with you about how you don’t like my mom and your dad’s reactions. Because the reality is, we all deserve to be upset at you.”