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  I heard Tanner and Stephen came home a few hours later, but no one came up to my room. I waited for Mom to check on me, but she never did, and that hurt almost as much as Mia’s betrayal.

  Chapter 31

  I woke up super early the next morning and changed into my leotard. I hadn’t slept well, and my body hummed with nervous energy. I couldn’t stop thinking about the secret I had told and what Mia had done with it. I needed to dance. I needed to lose myself in the music. It was the only thing that would help.

  I crept down the steps and tried to be as quiet as possible. I avoided the creaky spot on the floor in the front hallway and didn’t turn on any of the lights. Except when I opened the door to the basement, I discovered that all the lights were on. I tried to remember if I had turned them off the other morning when I had FaceTimed Dasha, but I couldn’t be sure.

  I turned the corner, and there, working out on the weight bench, was Tanner.

  The last person I wanted to see.

  My stomach dipped. I wasn’t prepared in any way to talk to him yet. I hadn’t even talked to Mia to get the whole story. Luckily, he had his headphones on and hadn’t noticed me, so I turned around to race out before he saw me.

  “Brooklyn, wait,” he said.

  Shoot. I paused on the steps and tried to decide what to do. Should I head upstairs and pretend I hadn’t heard him? Or turn around and face him? I knew what option I wanted to choose, but I had made this mess, and I needed to own up to it. It was the right thing to do. Too bad doing the right thing isn’t always so easy.

  “Hey,” I said hesitantly. I had no idea how he was going to react to things. “I didn’t think anyone was down here. It’s always empty in the morning.”

  “Ouch, way to make a guy feel guilty about not working out as much as he should.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” I quickly said. This was going downhill fast.

  “Relax, I was joking.”

  “Oh, okay,” I told him, not quite sure what to do. Standing in front of him after what had happened gave me that same nervous flutter I got before a big performance.

  “Do you think you could spot me for a few minutes, and then I can leave you to work out here alone?”

  “Yeah, sure,” I said going over to him as he lay on the bench. I wasn’t sure what to make of all of this. He was acting as if everything were normal, but it wasn’t. Not at all. And it was my fault. He had to have watched the video, right? I’d gotten all of those text messages, so I couldn’t imagine how many he must have gotten. So why hadn’t he said something? Was this some kind of weird psychological game where he was trying to mess with my mind? If so, he was doing a pretty good job at it.

  I continued to spot him while he lifted, and I went back and forth about whether I should say something. I would open my mouth and then close it again.

  Finally, I dove right in. I had to.

  “Um, did you see the video that Mia posted?”

  Tanner sat up. “You mean the one that has over five thousand views?”

  My eyes got wide. “Five thousand views? Mia must be freaking out.”

  “Is that why you two posted it? Did you tell everyone my secret to get views?” he asked, and he didn’t sound mad. It was more like he was sad. And that made me feel a million times worse, if that was even possible.

  “I didn’t tell her so she could post it,” I said, even though that still didn’t make things right. “But I did tell her about how you weren’t sure you wanted to play football at UT. I told her as a friend, but it wasn’t my news to share. And I never in a million years thought she was recording me. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have said a word.”

  Tanner ran his hand through his hair. “It’s caused a lot of problems for me. Big problems.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, because I didn’t know what else to say. I had no idea how to make something like this right. “I had no idea this would happen. Mia was my best friend, and I trusted her. She took information I gave her that was secret and shared it with everyone. She told people about your decision when it wasn’t her business to tell. Now everyone knows, and it’s my fault.”

  “Sharing my news wasn’t cool at all,” he said and let out a giant sigh. “But it would have come out eventually, so I guess it was kind of like yanking the Band-Aid off fast.”

  “That comparison doesn’t make me feel better,” I said.

  Tanner sat up on the weight bench and put his hands on his knees. “This big-decision-making stuff is hard. There’s nothing easy about it.”

  “Tell me about it,” I told him, thinking about my solo and finding the courage to believe in myself and dance alone in front of everybody again.

  “I love football, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not going to be my life. People forget that I’m actually a person with other things that matter to me. It’s like I’ve played football so long that people could never imagine that I might have other interests or want to try new things.”

  “The town thinks they know what’s right,” I said, understanding exactly what he was saying.

  “Mia’s video gives them one more reason to talk about what they think is best for me. But I’m not playing football for them, and I’m not making choices for them.”

  I thought about the night of the recital, when I danced for Mom. To get her attention. And how for so long dance hadn’t been about me, but about what I’d lost and wanted to find. Maybe that wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

  “I’m sorry I was so awful that day in the truck when you drove me to school. Believe me, I get that you want to make your own choices and do what makes you happy, but it’s hard to understand when I’m the one who had to move here for you and football. I’m so nervous about getting into Texas School of the Arts, and here you are with a full scholarship to the University of Texas and you don’t even want to go. It made me upset. It still does, but it’s not your fault. I think I’m a little bit jealous.”

  “Don’t be jealous. I’m terrified to step away from football. I keep wondering if I’m making the wrong choice. What if med school isn’t for me? What if it’s too hard? What if I miss football?”

  “But you won’t find out until you try, right?” I asked him, and it seemed as if my question was just as much for me as it was for him.

  “You’ve got that right.” Tanner stood up. “I better get moving. Thanks for listening.”

  “Sorry again about everything,” I told him.

  “We’re good. Just promise me that you’ll make your decisions for yourself and no one else.”

  “Promise,” I told him. He nodded and headed upstairs, while I was left standing in the basement wondering why that promise seemed so impossible at the moment.

  Chapter 32

  Mia finally texted me.

  And then texted me again.

  And again. And again.

  She sent so many texts that I almost missed not hearing from her. She sent so many messages in a row that my phone looked more like a strobe light the way it lit up when a new one came through.

  She wouldn’t leave me alone now.

  She told me that she had taken the video down and deleted it. Her texts were full of apologies. But what’s the use? Apologizing wouldn’t take back what she’d done, and everyone at school had already seen the video.

  Which is why I decided to tell her exactly how I felt in a language she’d understand.

  I set my phone up on my desk, propped up on some books, and hit the record button. It was surprisingly easy to talk. Usually, I was awkward about being on camera, but today I was still upset enough not to care.

  “Hi, Mia. Since you love to spread news through videos, I thought I’d communicate in the same way. Which is why I’m making this to tell you to stop trying to get in touch with me. You really hurt me, and I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to text you. And I don’t want to make any more videos like this. So please leave me alone.”

  I hit the stop button with such force tha
t my phone fell down and I was afraid I’d cracked the screen.

  I picked it up and sent the video to Mia. Maybe it was mean of me, but I have to admit that I felt a little satisfying zing inside. Mia wasn’t the only one who could record videos, and all I needed was one view to make sure my message was heard.

  Chapter 33

  The rest of the school week was the worst ever. I refused to answer any questions that anyone had about Tanner’s news and went out of my way to avoid Mia at school. I walked the opposite way when I saw her and ate in the library because I didn’t want to talk to her. I wasn’t ready to talk to her. What in the world did you say to someone who had revealed one of your biggest secrets?

  On Saturday morning, I raced down to the studio for my weekly dance session with Dasha. I needed to fill her in about everything going on, and it would help to talk to someone who wasn’t from Leighton.

  “Good morning, sunshine!” Dasha said through the screen when I dialed her number, and I wished I could feel as happy as she did.

  “Morning,” I said, but I wasn’t able to muster the same enthusiasm, and Dasha saw right through my fake smile.

  “What’s wrong? Spill it,” she said in that way only a best friend could.

  “Everything,” I said and told her all about how Tanner didn’t think he wanted to play football, the fighting going on in our house because of it, and how Mia had spilled the news. When I was done, she let out a low whistle.

  “That’s pretty awful,” she said, and I instantly felt a little better getting it all off of my chest. “I can’t believe Tanner would do that after you and your mom moved there so he could keep playing football.”

  “That’s what I thought when he first told us too. Believe me, I was so mad. And then my way of thinking changed. You’re going to think this is nuts, but the more I think about it, the more not playing football in college is kind of brave of him.”

  “Ditching out on football is brave?”

  “I talked with him the other morning and he got me thinking,” I told her and tried to explain myself. “Football is his life. It’s always been his life, at least that’s the way everyone around him saw it. But he’s interested in other things too. It’s just that no one ever saw that. So if you think about it, it’s pretty brave to walk away from something he knows really well, to go after something he doesn’t.”

  “I guess if you put it that way,” Dasha said.

  “It’s cool that he’s not letting other people tell him what’s best.”

  “Well, I wish he would have had this realization before you and your mom moved to Texas.”

  “Believe me, I wish he had too. I miss you so much. And right now, dancing is still my one true love,” I told her, which was true. But talking with Tanner had also made me realize that dancing didn’t always have to be my only true love. It was okay to like different things or want to try something new. And maybe one day I would. However, right now, in my basement with Dasha, all I could think about was working on my solo. I needed to get it perfect; I had to impress those judges.

  “Let’s dance, then,” Dasha said, and it was as if she had been reading my mind.

  “Sounds like a plan,” I agreed. “In fact, let’s start with my solo.”

  “Whoa, who are you, and what’s happened to the real Brooklyn?”

  “I’m feeling different today. Brave,” I told her with a wink. “The All-City Showcase is coming up, so I need to make sure I’m ready.”

  “You don’t have to convince me,” Dasha said. “Show me what you’ve got.”

  And that’s what I did. I danced through my solo three times, and every time I restarted the music and launched into the opening steps, I became stronger and stronger.

  “You’ve got this,” Dasha told me. “You’re ready.”

  “You think so?” I asked, and instead of being fearful, I was hopeful.

  “I know so. Now, let’s go over some of the stuff we learned this week, so when we both go to the Juilliard intensive together, we can amaze the teachers with all of our skills.”

  And how could I argue with that?

  The two of us danced and danced and got lost in a world where nothing else mattered but the music, our movements, and the stories we created through dance. And in those movements, life was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

  Chapter 34

  Dasha and I were going through our cool-down exercises when the door to the basement opened and Mom called down to me.

  “Brooklyn, there’s someone here to see you.”

  Mia.

  I froze and gave Dasha a panicked look.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, and I shrugged. Because I wasn’t. Not if that was Mia at the top of the steps. Trying to call me was one thing, but stopping by my house so I was forced to talk to her was a whole different kind of problem.

  “Who is it?” I asked, my voice shaky.

  “Logan’s upstairs,” Mom said. “He says it’s important.”

  I exhaled the giant breath that I had been holding. Thank goodness.

  “Dance partner Logan?” Dasha asked.

  “Shhhh,” I told her. I didn’t want Logan to think I was talking to everyone about him. I called up to Mom, “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “I want to meet him,” Dasha said.

  “Not today,” I told her, because for some reason, I wanted to keep my two worlds separate. It had been so good to dance with Dasha this morning and forget about everything that was going on here. Introducing her to Logan would cause my worlds to collide, and I wasn’t ready for that. Dasha was home. She was safe. She was my escape when things got to be a little too much here. I wanted to keep it that way.

  “I’ll talk to you later,” I told her and gave her a quick wave as she protested. I ended the conversation and felt bad, but you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.

  I headed upstairs and found Logan in our family room. He stood by the bookcases that were on either side of the TV. One of them was full of pictures of Tanner playing football, and the other was of me in different recitals. It was kind of embarrassing, a shrine to both of us, but Logan seemed superinterested in it.

  He held up a picture of me in a hot pink tutu with my hair in a side ponytail. I was maybe in second grade. We’d done a jazz routine to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” and our wild costumes showed it.

  “That’s you, huh?”

  “All of these are.”

  He pointed at my workout clothes. “And you were dancing right now?”

  “Yeah, my mom and stepdad made a studio for me in the basement.”

  “Do you ever not dance?” he asked.

  “Hardly,” I said.

  He studied a few more of the pictures Mom had displayed of me and pointed at my workout gear. “You really love ballet, don’t you?”

  “Is there something bigger than love? Because that’s how I feel.”

  He picked up a picture of me when I was in The Nutcracker. It was my first real performance. I’d felt so important dancing in the same ballet as all of those older girls who held the principal roles. I was only six and played a mouse. The makeup lady had drawn on little whiskers, and after the show was over, I’d refused to let Mom wipe them off. I’d slept with them on and cried when I woke up the next morning and they had smeared. I’d always loved that show. It used to be my favorite. Until it wasn’t.

  “What about you? Isn’t it the same with football?” I asked.

  “Yep, there’s nothing better than being out on the field. I don’t even care about the people in the stands who are watching. It’s not about that. It’s about me and the game and being able to play.”

  “You’re right,” I said, but there was also a little voice in the back of my head reminding me that’s not how I always felt. You wanted to dance for your mom, remember? And it was true, the dance from The Nutcracker hadn’t been for me. “I can’t imagine anything greater than losing myself in something I love.”

  “There’s nothing better,” Log
an said.

  “Nothing at all,” I agreed, and even though we were talking about different things, we weren’t. It was the same feelings, the same love that we had, and maybe I had no interest in football and didn’t understand the obsession this town had for it, but I got it. I understood why Logan loved it.

  “A lot of the guys make fun of the conditioning classes that we’re doing, but they’ve helped me. A lot. Coach even said something to me about how I can turn and pivot faster when I have the ball than any of the other guys on the team.”

  “That’s a good sign, isn’t it?” I said, excited for him.

  “A very good sign. And right now I can run a forty-yard dash at 5.9 seconds. Coach said that if I’m able to get it down to 5.4, then I’ll get picked to do the postseason conditioning with the high schoolers, something only a few middle schoolers are allowed to do.”

  “That’s incredible,” I told Logan. “It sounds as if you’re doing everything right. And ballet is helping.”

  He nodded. “It is. I think I can lower my time. The conditioning classes and our rehearsals are helping my flexibility and stride length a ton, which means that if I keep working out with you, I should be able to get even faster.”

  “I have to admit, I didn’t realize so much work went into football,” I told him. “I mean, I kind of did, with Tanner, but still.”

  “That’s what I’ve been trying to show you,” Logan said. “And today it’s on to the next step of teaching you to respect the game.”

  “Oh yeah, and what’s that?”

  “You’ll see,” Logan said with a grin on his face that made me think he was up to something. “Now go get dressed in something you can move around in outside. We’ve got to be somewhere.”

  “Can I shower? I’m a bit grungy.” I pointed to my outfit and my hair, which was in a messy, sweaty bun.

  “You’re going to get even more dirty where we’re going.” He laughed.

  “I’ll be fast,” I told him and raced upstairs before he could protest. I thought everyone would thank me if I took a shower after dancing with Dasha, even Logan.